Small Packages
by Not Short. Just Fun Sized
Summary: They say good things come in small packages, but what good could possibly come out of a 2-year-old who's not even potty trained! Some Parental! Ed and Parental! Al; no pairings.
1. Lab Fifteen

Title: Small Packages.

Summary: They say good things come in small packages, but what good could possibly come out of a 2-year-old who's not even potty trained! Some Parental! Ed and Parental! Al; no pairings.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Al, or any other recognizable people or places. I do own the baby, however, and Rinna. Oh, and as a note, Al is human.**

**One: Lab Fifteen.**

"This place is disturbing…" 18-year-old Major Edward Elric shuddered as he, 17-year-old Alphonse Elric, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang walked through the remaining half of Laboratory Fifteen.

"Well, when a scientist like him works down here," Riza scowled after passing the remains of a chimera, "What can we expect?"

There were cages of dead chimeras, all with labels, Alphonse noticed. Muriel Estanburg, aged 3 days before death. Tristan Green, aged 5 weeks before killing himself. Madison Rose.

There was no death beside the name card. "That's strange."

He peered into the small cage gaping, "Oh my goodness…"

"What's wrong, Alphonse?" Mustang questioned before seeing it himself.

She looked to be about 2 feet tall, and the card beside her said she was 2 years old. Her auburn hair had patches of dried blood in it, and her hazel-green eyes looked dead. Her body looked under fed, and she was wearing a torn and dirty set of blue overalls and a pink shirt.

"Is she breathing?" Mustang asked as Alphonse pulled her out gently. She started coughing loudly, a little blood coming out. "Well, there's my answer."

"We found Raul." Ed called from the other end of the lab. "He's dead, too."

Mustang rolled his eyes, "It would be a miracle if he wasn't."

The little girl, Madison Rose, blinked her eyes confusedly, then leaned over Al's arm to empty her stomach before coughing again. Alphonse looked the slightest bit disgusted before putting her over his shoulder and following Mustang.

"Everything in here's dead." Riza concluded the search.

"Not exactly." Al gestured to the now resting child in his arms. "We found her in a cage. She looks sick and hungry."

"What are we going to do with her," Riza questioned, "We can't keep her."

Al looked shocked, "Why not?"

"There's always the chance she's got some chimera in her, Al." Edward said knowingly. "We don't have time to take a risk like that."

"We could send her off for testing." Roy suggested.

"No!" Al gaped.

Riza sighed, "Alright, what do you think we should do?"

"I think she needs to be taken care of," He said, "She seems really sick."

"Well, do you know anyone who can do that?"

"Brother and I could-"

"I'm not taking in some random kid, Al." Ed cut him off.

Al protested, "Well I found her so I think I should take care of her, or at least have some say in what should happen to her. She could come stay with us until we figure something else out."

"He's got a point, Edward." Riza said.

"He's not even in the military!" Ed argued, but Roy silenced him.

"Fullmetal, I order you to take care of that baby until we think of something else." He said, "And Alphonse, I think we should still take her to a doctor or something to make sure she's okay."

"I think that's fine," Al said as Edward complained to himself in the corner, "But not today. She needs a bath, and a nap. She looks like she's been through a lot."

"Can she talk?" Riza questioned.

Al shrugged. "We'll find out later. She's sleeping now."

"Well, let's go file a report on this and get her some food and clean clothes." Mustang ordered. "Fullmetal, I suggest you stop pouting. It won't change anything but your face."

Ed muttered something under his breath as they walked out, and he could've swore he saw that damn baby smirk at him in her sleep. If he was going to have to put up with that thing, then he was going to be sure she knew who was boss.


	2. Toddler Talk

**Two: Toddler Talk**

Back at the office, Mustang was (lazily) doing the paperwork for their discovery in Lab 15 while everyone in office crowded around Al and Madison. Neither one was loving the attention.

"Aw, what's her name?"

"Can you speak, hun?"

"She's so adorable!"

Madison was sick of it. There's only one reason a whole bunch of would disappear from a adorable baby like her (conceited much?). And that was a crying baby. She burst into tears on the spot, burying her face in Alphonse's shirt.

The crowd quickly disburst, and she got quiet before Al could even touch her. "I guess you don't like big crowds, either."

She looked up at Al as he turned to eat his lunch, and as if on cue, her stomach growled. "Noodles."

"W-What?" Al looked down at the toddler in his lap as she pointed to the box of noodles on the desk.

"Noo-dles." She nodded, pleased with herself for getting the word out. "I wants a noodles.

Al thought it over. Could toddlers eat noodles?

She had already attacked the box before he noticed. Pulling out little fists full, she ate a few before Al actually saw what she was doing. "Hey! Those are my noodles!"

Madison laughed, "Maddie noodles!"

"No, those are MY noodles!"

"MY noodles!"

Al sighed, "No, MY noodles." He pointed to himself, "Alphonse's noodles."

"Alfoz noodle?" She questioned.

"Okay, let's try it this way: Al's noodles."

"Al's noodles."

"There we go!" Al was proud of himself. "Now, where was I…"

They both finished their lunch and by that time Edward was ready to go. He still didn't like the idea of a baby in house, but it was an order now. One he didn't want to follow, but an order nonetheless.

"Hey Al, it's time to go. Are we going to get her clothes or something?" He questioned, really not wanting to do anything but go take a nap.

"Yeah, she'll need a few outfits and pajamas, and diapers probably. Then there's sippy cups and toys, and shoes definitely, and a crib and potty seat…" Al's list trailed off as they exited the building, getting in the car. Madison sat on Al's lap, clinging to his shirt.

"Okay, I think I get it." Ed said halfway down the road as she started crying again. "What's wrong with her now?"

"I think she peed…" Al said, lifting her off his lap. Sure enough, there was a stain on the bottom of her pants and on Al's leg. "Do you have on a diaper?"

"Diaper?" She gave him the confused look.

He sighed, looking in the overalls. "She doesn't."

"What _does_ she have on?"

"I'm guessing toddler underwear."

"Great, she's forgetten how to use the toilet."

Madison scrunched up her face. "I can potty like a big girl."

"Then why didn't you say something?" Ed's voice got louder, and she hid her face in Al's shirt again.

_That's right…be afraid._

"You have to watch your voice." Al said, "Or she'll never like you."

"Kinda what I'm hoping for." Ed mumbled to himself. "What's her name again?"

"Madison Rose," Al answered, "But she calls herself Maddie, so I guess that's her nickname."

"She talks in the third person?" Ed laughed, pulling into the store's parking lot. "That's interesting."

Al rolled his eyes, "Only you, brother, would think that's funny."

They all got out of the car and walked into the store, Al getting a basket and putting Madison in it as Ed got another, just in case they needed two.

"Alright, let's started with the clothes." Al led the way to the baby section. "Now, how can we tell what size she is?"

"I think it's by age. She's two years old exactly, right?" Ed said, pointing to a rack of toddler clothes. "I think this stuff should fit."

Al agreed, grabbing a few outfits and pajamas while Madison kept a good grip on his shirt. He threw in a few shoes and then they moved on to the diaper sections. He decided on Pull-Up training pants for the day and Huggies diaper for the night. While he put 2 packs of each in the cart, she was intently watching a commercial on the small TV.

"_Do the *clap clap* potty dance!_

_Right side, across_

_Left side, across_

_Step! Step!_

_Toes, waist, celebrate!_

_Do the *clap clap* potty dance!"_

"Al…I hafta potty again…" She said nervously. "Bad…"

"Oh!" Al bought the diapers and clothes and then opened the Huggies and grabbed a random set of clothes, taking her to the bathroom. "Watch the cart, Ed!"

Ed scoffed. "For what? It's not like their's diaper ninjas coming to steal them."

A few aisle away, the diaper ninjas sighed. "So they do know we exist…"

Al went in the family bathroom and then unfastened the overalls, pulling them to her ankles. The underpants she was wearing were disgusting. "You need a bath…"

"I don't gotsta to potty no mores." She said.

"Well, let's just get you a quick clean up…" Al stripped the rest of her body, throwing the clothes in the garbage before placing her in the sink and filling it with water. He washed her quickly, making sure to get her hair good, then dried her off with some paper towels. "Now, doesn't that feel better? You're all clean now."

She only gave a small smile as he put a diaper on her and then her new clothes, a purple t-shirt with a kitten on it and some brown pants, along with some white sneakers. He carried her back towards Ed, who was looking for something.

"Lose something?" Al chuckled.

"No!" Ed said, "They took the diapers!"

"Who?" Al was confused.

"The diaper ninjas!"

He laughed, "I think all that work's gone to your head. We'll just buy some more if you lost them, brother. That's all you have to say."

"But Al, they really—" Ed sighed. There was no use in trying to explain. "Fine."

They put in a new pack of diapers before moving on and getting the other things, such as a toddler bed with bars so she couldn't fall out, high chair, car seat, stroller, play pen, and mini potty. Then came the fun part: toys.

"I want Barbie!" She cried as they passed the aisle. "Pwease Al?"

"Well, I guess a few wouldn't hurt," He shrugged.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Al." Ed warned, "She's going to want 50 of them."

Al rolled his eyes, "You're being ridiculous."

It was true: she wanted 51. Alphonse cringed as most of them were the same ones in different outfits. "Why don't we just get 3?"

"But I want all!" She whined.

"Oh, come on," Al thought up a bribe, "I'll get you some ice cream!"

"Ice cweam?" She questioned. "Okay!"

She probably didn't even know what it was, but he let her pick out 3 dolls before they went down the remaining aisles. She also wanted a play kitchen set (which she got), some coloring books and crayons (which she got), a baby doll (also got), a play tea set with a table and chairs (can you believe she got it?), and three stuffed animals: a kitten, a puppy, and a pony (do I even need to say it?). But the thing she REALLY wanted was at the end of the last aisle.

"Bwanky!" She squealed as Al walked right past it. "I need it!"

Al sighed, "No."

She had never heard that one before. "But-"

"Madison, you don't need that. You have all those other toys already."

"But I weally-"

"No, Madison."

She started to tear up, "But Al…"

"If you put something back, I'll get it for you." He said with a steely tone. "But if not, you really don't need it."

She sniffled. "Okay. I'll put back Barbie. All of them."

Al patted her head, going to replace the Barbies with the blanket. Ed just shook his head: his brother had no backbone whatsoever. "You're a spoiled brat, you know?"

Madison whipped her head around as he continued, "Yeah, I'm talking to you."

"Meanie!" She stuck out her tounge.

"I can do it too," Ed said, mocking her face.

Al just so happened to walk up, "Brother! Stop being so childish!"

"But she was doing it!" Ed complained as Madison laughed.

"Bwudder funny!" She smiled.

Ed scowled, "I'm not your brother. I'm just Edward."

"Eward."

"No, Edward."

"Eward."

"There's another syllable and you know it! Edward!"

"Eward!"

Ed turned angrily to face the child, "I'm gonna say it one more time! Say it with me! Ed!"

"Ed!"

"Ward!"

"Word!"

"Edward!"

"Eward!"

Edward growled as she and Al laughed, checking out their toys and other accessories. The total was not surprising (to Ed, of course) and they paid for it all, emptying most of Al's bank account. They put in the carseat and buckled Madison in, then put in the rest of her things before going home.

Once they got there, they set up most of the things, like the play area in the living room and her bed in Al's room. They put her clothes away and put her diapers and toilet in the bathroom.

"There, all finished." Al smiled to himself. "Time for bed, Maddie." She was already fast asleep on the floor next to him, cuddling her kitten. He laughed to himself, placing her in her bed and pulling her covers over her, her giving off a small smile.


	3. Pancake Time

**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! I got into a little school trouble and my computer rights were stripped! So I've been sneaking online at school and writing this piece by piece and it's not even very long, kinda short if you ask me! I promise usual updates won't be like this but I don't know how much longer this will be! So sorry sorry sorry!**

**SOOO to make it up to you, this chapter's reviews will be answered by Edward, Al, and whoever else you have a question for, even Madison! I'll try and do them best I can in character! So go ahead and review a question so it can be answered in the next chapter. I don't even care what it is, you're free to ask whatever you want!**

**EXAMPLE:**

_**GaryStu: Hey Ed why you hate milk so much**_

_**Ed: BECAUSE IT IS A WHITE LIQUID SECRETED BY A COW AND WHAT THE HELL WAS THE GUY WHO DISCOVERED MILK DOING! THAT'S JUST GROSS!**_

**Thanks and milk and cookies go to: BeyondMyself, Bre, and Hawkpath13 (I can see Ed hating kids too! He's too short tempered for that!)**

**NOTE: After this chapter I'm kinda going to speed things up and make her grow up, and go through important things in her life and stuff like that. But the next chapters might be toddler-centric though.**

**ANOTHER NOTE: Rinna is my other FMA O/C; she's in the military too and she's away...doing something. IDK. She's also Ed's twin/ Al's big sis and she gives AWESOME advice. If you are a visual person, her bio's in another story of mine called "All We Have Is Each Other". Hehe, self-advertisement~**

**Okay I held you up enough, ONTO THE STORY!**

* * *

"Al?"

The toddler sleepily looked around the room, her stomache feeling a little funny. The bed in front of her looked empty. Maybe Al had left her...

She got up and wondered into the hallway, finding herself among many other doors as her stomache felt worse and worse. If she could just find the bathroom, she'd be okay. Which door was it again? The first one looked right...

She struggled to open it but it popped open after a few tries. She had ran into something when she felt her stomache couldn't hold it another second, causing her to throw up all over the object.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

She fell back on her bottom as the object moved and the lights suddenly turned on. "Hi, Eddy!"

Ed was glaring intensely at the toddler as he (and the bed) were covered in the chunky vomit. "ALPHONSE!"

"What's going on?" Al came in with an apron around his waist, "I was making breakfast."

He took one look at the situation and rushed to Madison's side, "Oh, Maddie, what's wrong? Ed, I think she's sick!"

"No shit," Ed waddled his way to the bathroom, leaving Al with Madison. Turning on the shower and stripping out of the dirty clothes (forget washing them; he'd probably burn them), he let the warm water hit him as he washed away his stress.

Why did Al want that stupid baby anyway? She was just another responsibility that Al probably wasn't ready for, no matter how much he thought he was. Plus, she was already ruining Ed's life! Do you KNOW how hard it was to fight the diaper ninjas if the rest of the store didn't see them, or how many looks he got whenever Madison said the word short and he went off in his short rants? ALOT.

If anything good was going to come out of this, it better come fast.

Once he was dried off and dressed for his day off, he went downstairs to see Al placing a plate of pancakes in the middle of the table. "Oh brother, you're just in time!"

Ed licked his lips at the delicious looking food, steaming hot and calling his name. He quickly sat down and grabbed a stack of pancakes, but when he turned to get the syrup, they were gone and a suspicious look was on Madison's face.

"Hungry!" She growled, flakes of crumbs around her mouth.

"Al! She ate my pancakes!"

"No, she didn't," Al shook his head, "I'm cutting hers now."

"But she DID!" Ed whined.

"I wasn't aware I had two babies in this house." Al brought over a new set of pancakes for the both of them. "Now eat up."

Ed glared at his younger brother, taking a big bite out of his new stack. "Who are you calling a baby..." He mumbled.

Just then the phone rang, and Al took off to get it in the next room. Ed glared at Madison as she ate her pancakes as she was the most innocent child in the world.

"You're going to get it one day," Ed warned her, "You're going to push me too far and you'll be in the orphanage with all those other abandoned kids. I suggest you start acting right or else, kid, cause I'm not playing your stupid little game. Got it?"

She cocked her head to the side, her haazel-green eyes widening. "Hmm?"

"You heard me!" Ed locked eyes with her.

She was quiet for a moment. "Mkaies."

"What?"

She nodded her head, "Mkaies."

_"Ed, phone for you!"_

He sighed, finishing his pancakes before taking the phone from Al, "Hullo?"

"_I heard you guys got a baby."_

_ "_Who hasn't?" Ed chuckled to himself. "How are you doing out there, Rinna?"

He heard her sigh, "_It's nothing like Central, I'll tell you that. If you hadn't made me go I wouldn't have. It's way boring here, and I've had myself a few homunculus sightings."_

"Which ones? Are they bothering you?"

"_Just Envy and Wrath, and it's nothing serious. We just run into each other sometimes, and sometimes we talk about the affairs of our country-"_

_ "_You're always trying to be funny aren't you? I'M WORRYING OVER HERE!"

"_Calm down, Father Edward. We fight a little bit, but I don't get hurt or anything. I know when to stop. Sometimes we really do talk, well, maybe just me and Wrath, but Envy's actually not all that bad, kinda misunderstood-"_

_ "_One, I'm not your "Father", don't really wanna be, and two, I don't wanna hear about your weird, sick, twisted crush on the somewhat dead."

"_Edward, you asshole! I don't have a crush on them!"_

"Sure, you don't."

_"I don't! Really!"_

_ "_Uh-huh."

"_DON'T MAKE ME PULL THE WINRY CARD!"_

Ed gulped, "You wouldn't."

"_Oh, but I would. I'm getting my auto mail fixed now anyways. Say hi, Winry!"_

The phone shrilled with Winry's greeting and Ed sighed, "Yeah, well I'd better go, I think Al's calling me."

_"I don't hear anyone."_

He covered the speaker part of the phone, mimicking Al, "Brother! Madison needs to go the doctor!" He switched back into his voice, "Coming! See, I told you."

"That's not Al's voice." Both females said together.

"BYE!"

He slammed the phone down, going to see if breakfast was over. Hopefully there was still some food left over for him to eat while he tried to forget his twin's harrassment.


	4. The Heartless Side of Edo

**Sorry this update's behind schedule; I've been working on two new projects (150 Things Not Allowed in the Military and The Puppeteer OUT NOW!) and this kinda sat in the corner all depressed like. So this is a BIG time skip; like a year or so ahead from the last chapter. That's really all I need to address, other than that I've got to be better about updating.**

* * *

**Four: The Heartless Side of Ed**

**MAKESUREYOUREADTHEAUTHOR'SNOTE!**

"ALPHONSE!"

It had been exactly one year since they found little Madison Rose, exactly one year since Ed's life had become hell (to him), and exactly one year since Alphonse had become a 'father'.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Al was desperately trying to finishing the surprise cake for the surprise party they were having later on.

"BUT AL, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!"

"Ed, why can't you do anything for yourself..." He muttered as he marched up the stairs, going to the bathroom. "What is it?"

"She won't get in the tub." Ed pointed to Madison, who was sitting on the covered toilet seat, kicking her legs back and forth.

Alphonse sighed, "Really?"

"I told you she hates me!"

"Well, what exactly did you say?"

"I told her to get in the tub!"

"No he didn't!" She sassed, "He said get your st-stupid little as-ss int-to da t-tub!"

As Madison grew up over the past few months, she had gained a stutter that only came on for three reasons: she was being sassy, she was cold, and she was lying or nervous.

"Edward!" Alphonse gaped, "I told you not to swear around her!"

"Well she's too difficult! Why can't I make the-"

"SHHHH!" He covered Ed's mouth. "You can't do that because you'll burn the house down. Just go 'work outside'. I'll take care of her."

Ed grumbled, sulking out of the bathroom as the doorbell rang. "Stupid baby."

He walked slowly down the stairs, which only made the person at the door ring more times. He got so fed up, he yelled, "I'M COMING, DAMNIT!"

"ED! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!"

"Yeah, yeah.." Ed finally made it to the door, opening it to reveal Riza, Roy, and Black Hayate. "Oh, it's _you_ people. Well, the she-devil's taking a bath, so I guess you guys can sit in the living room."

"I don't understand what you have against kids, Ed." Riza shut the door behind her as Black Hayate trotted happily beside her. "Madison's a perfect adorable child, and she's very smart for her age."

"Yeah, well, I don't care for her or any kid, really." Ed brought out the sodas. "I kinda wish that the homuculus or someone would come get her, y'know?"

"No, I don't know," Roy said, "Madison doesn't deserve that. She at least needs some kind of love from you Ed. She was a tortured kid, probably since she was born."

"Well, I grew up without parents. Al's a dad to her, so why should I help?"

Riza sighed, "You know, she drew a picture the other day. Gave it to me and told me not to show it to you, but I think it might help the situation."

She pulled a wrinkled paper out of her coat, passing it to Ed. "Could a she-devil drew that?"

It was one of those things kids draw in kindergarten of their families. She had drawn Al on the left, with a brown crayon for hair and blue oval eyes and stick arms and legs with 'Daddy Al' over it, and herself in the middle, all small and swirls of red for hair and green ovals for eyes, and stick arms and legs with 'Baby Me' over it.

And there was a big yellow circle with yellow lines of hair and yellow eyes and arms and legs. It had 'Meanie Mommy Edo' over it.

Ed's eye twitched. "She's thinks I'm mean...AND A GIRL?"

"Well, I guess I'm to blame for that, Fullmetal, "Roy said sheepishly. "I was telling her about mommies and daddies and she said why doesn't she have a mommy if Al's her dad. I just told her since you two are all she has at the moment, you're kinda like a mom, only mean."

Ed glared at Roy as Alphonse and Madison came down. "Doggy! Riza! Roy!"

She hugged each of them tightly before questioning why they were here.

"Well," Alphonse started, "It's kind of your birthday party."

"Party?" She cocked her head to the side, her signature confused look.

"Like everyone comes together and celebrates something, like for today, it's all about you. You get whatever you want today." Riza explained. "And you eat cake and ice cream."

"What I want?" She thought out loud, sitting down to think as the doorbell rang again. This time Al got it, and it was Maes Hughes, Gracia, and Elysia, Madison's semi-best friend.

"Didn't start the party without us did you?" Hughes asked as he came in, "You can't have a party without us!"

"No, Mr. Hughes, Riza and Roy just got here, actually." Alphonse greeted politely.

"Hi Maddie! Wanna play with my dolls?" Elysia showed off her new toys.

"Okay!" Madison shrugged, making room on the floor for her to sit.

"Make sure you give Madison hers, Elysia." Gracia reminded.

"Yes, Mommy."

An hour had passed and the only thing that had happened was Al finishing the cake and everyone (excluding the kids and Al and Ed) drinking the wine Hughes brought. Al decided to bring out the cake then, and lit the candles before going into the room.

"Alright, everyone, it's time to sing-"

_Ding-dong._

"Ed, could you get that?" Al asked, setting the cake down. "I need to get the camera."

Ed sighed, pushing himself up from his seat and going to the door. Who else was supposed to be coming?

"Sorry I'm late."

Ed's eyes widened at the sight on the doorstep. "Rinna! What is _he_ doing here?"

"I'm here, too!" Wrath popped out from behind Envy, who had his arms crossed and looking menacing.

"Wrath likes cake and parties and Envy had to come to. Plus, Al said it'd be okay."

"I don't believe that," Ed sighed, "But I know they aren't going to disappear, so come on. We're about to start singing that crappy birthday song."

"Yay! Cake time!" Wrath pushed his way in, followed by Rinna telling him to stop acting out. Which left Envy alone with Ed.

"Well, Well, Chibi, it's been a while." He smirked. "You haven't grown a bit."

"You know, my sister's not going to protect you forever." Ed glared.

"I know. The gearhead's here, too."

Ed was then struck by said gearhead's wrench, holding his head as she approached, "You know you could CALL every once in an awhile..."

He just let the rest of her rant go in one ear and out the other as they walked into the now dimly lit room, as they sang the stupid birthday song.

"Make a wish, Maddie!" Al said once they finished.

She closed her eyes and made a quick wish as she blew out the candle, everyone cheering as Al started cutting the cake. It was German chocolate cake with vanilla icing, which happened to be both Ed and Madison's favorite, one of the few things they had in common.

Rinna took this as the time to introduce herself, "Hi Madison! I'm Rinna, Ed and Al's sister, so you can call me Auntie Rinna if you want."

"Okay!" Madison smiled, cake all over her face.

"I got you a present, too!" Rinna pulled out a wrapped box from her bag.

Madison set down her plate and wiped her hands on a napkin before opening it. "Thank you, Auntie!"

It was a little butterfly necklace, with blue gemstones that made the wings and a golden frame. She let Rinna fasten it on, "It's so pwetty!"

"Aww, it's no big deal." Rinna shrugged. "You wanna meet some other people?"

Madison shrugged, "Mkay."

"Wrath! Envy! Get over here!" Rinna called, and soon both were in front of them. "Madison, this is Wrath, Wrath, this is Madison Rose."

"Hi!" They both giggled.

"Who's he?" Madison pointed to Envy.

"Oh, that's um..." Rinna blushed, "That's..."

Envy bent down to Madison's level. "Hi there, beautiful. I'm Envy."

Madison blushed, "H-Hi Envy."

"I had a present for you, but I left it at home, so I'll have to bring it back for you someday." He smiled.

"O-Okay." She continued to blush.

"Envy!" He jumped as Al came over, "What are you doing?"

Rinna rolled her eyes. "He just introduced himself to her, that's all, jeez."

"Why are you so defensive about him now?" Al questioned, "You're acting like you're his girlfriend or something."

Rinna tried to control her blush, "Shut up and go cut cake or something!"

Al gasped, "You _are_ his girlfriend! Wow, I thought I'd never see the day..."

"Shut up! And don't let Ed know, he'd kill me! Besides, I didn't even really _ask_ for this to happen, in fact I still hate him at times-"

"Well!" Envy scoffed, making Madison laugh.

"-But," She smiled, "He can be a totally idiot at times, and he's pretty funny when he's not being all murderous...which isn't very often...he's good with kids! Sometimes I question why I like him, though."

"I don't appreciate being insulted, especially in front of my face." Envy's cat-like eyes narrowed.

"It wasn't an insult, I swear!" Rinna panicked.

"Too late." Envy smirked. "I like your face when you're scared. Such a turn on."

"That's why," She jabbed her thumb in his direction, "he's such a sadist it's sad."

"Remember it." Envy sat down, leaning back in the chair.

Alphonse shook his head, seeing Wrath and Madison playing patty-cake. Thank God, too, because he'd have some explaining to do if she was listening.

Madison soon got tired and the party came to an end. Everyone left, save Winry, Wrath, Rinna, and Envy, who were currently arguing with Ed.

"They're not staying here!" Ed said, "I don't feel safe with people who have tried to kill me multiple times!"

"That was then, Ed," Winry said, "This is now. They're really nice, you know."

"No!" Ed said, "And that's final!"

"Ed..." A soft voice made him turn around to see a sleepy Madison rubbing her eyes. "Envy's nice. And Wrath played patty-cake with me. Let them stay."

"Wha? Why should I listen to a 3 year old, if you're even that old!"

She yawned. "Pwease, Edo? Wiza said I could get what ever I wanted today."

Ed grumbled. "I'll get you Riza..."

"Yay! It's a yes!" Rinna cheered, "I'll get the blankets!"

Everyone followed her, leaving Ed with Madison as Al put up the cake. "You should go to bed."

"But I didn't get my birthday wish yet..." She yawned again.

Ed sighed, "What?"

She held out her arms. "Can I get a hug?"

Ed looked at her questionably. "What?"

"Pwease?"

He sighed, picking her up and hugging her, carrying her up the stairs and to her room. "There, you got a hug. Happy now?"

She gave a small smile as he sat he down and tucked her in bed. "Thank you, Mommy."

Ed twitched. "Why don't you just call me Uncle Ed? Mommy is for girls."

"But..." She rubbed at her eyes. "You're kinda like a mommy."

Ed sighed, "Fine, call me Mommy, just don't tell anyone!"

She smiled, falling asleep quickly, as Ed snuck downstairs for some cake.

"We meet again, Elric."

Ed looked up to see the ninjas from the store. "How the-"

"We're ninjas, duh. We can do _anything._"

"I thought you guys were diaper ninjas." Ed noted.

The leader sweat-dropped. "We, uh, steal cake, too."

"Well, you can't have this." Ed said.

"Oh, but we can!"

Several minutes later, Alphonse came down to see his brother sprawled in the kitchen, cake all over him. "Ed! Why'd you eat all the cake!"

"I didn't," He twitched on the ground, "Those stupid ninjas did it, and I tried to stop them."

"Ed, you're more childish than Madison. Just admit it."

"But-" Ed sighed, "You know what? Next time, I'M GETTING PROOF!"

**Don't ask me how I made Envy so nice and OOC. I JUST DID. I just dreamt all this up last night and he was really a lot nicer, but I just couldn't picture him doing that stuff outside my dream. I'm not going to make this long; I've got last minute work to be doing. But make sure you review and all that good stuff! Love, Peace, and Cookies!**


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